FRIDAY!!!

It's been a CRAZY week.

I spent some much needed quality time at the temple in St. George, and got some answers to some questions that had been pressing on my mind.

I my paycheck this period is going to have over 50 hours on it, and usually it only has about 32-36.

I took a big test in Natural Resources and think I did pretty well.

I got sunburnt this weekend in 70 degree weather. :)

THEN had to scrape ice off my car on Wednesday and Thursday. :(

I opened over 300 letters this week, and NONE of them were addressed to me.

I learned that I can go to sleep on wet hair, wake up, spray some spray gel in it and actually look acceptable for the day. (I didn't know my hair was capable of that.)

I helped my friend Andie with her photo project.

(Lets be honest... I just like having people dress me up and take pictures.)

I dealt with some super grouchy people at work and lived to tell the tale.

I got a foot rub from the sweetest boyfriend ever.

I finished the last Friday of classes of my first year of college. :D

I still haven't finished my taxes, thanks to my super wonderful scholarship that actually isn't just magical free money like I wish it was.

I love talking to my mom.

It always helps.

Even if nothing is wrong.

It just makes things better.

So, it was crazy. Yes, but it was good, and now I'm looking forward to a wonderful weekend, and i'll try to take some better pictures so you can stop being bored by my boring blog posts.

Ramblings of the Day

I am so lucky to have a good job. Sometimes it totally stresses me out, like today, but, its way nice to not have to worry about student loans or anything like that yet.

My heart is about to rip right out of my chest. For a lot of reasons.

(No worries, its more good than bad.)

I HATE NOT HAVING A PLAN FOR MY LIFE.

It seriously stresses me out.

A LOT.

a lot a lot a lot.

Got it?

Its my fatal flaw.

I have to have a plan for everything.

And for a lot of things I get by with just the basics.

Like when I go to the grocery store I know I'm gonna start with non- food and end very last with Milk.

Not a super thought out obsessive plan, but something to go by.

When I was younger the plan was:

Grow Up

Graduate High School

Go To College

Hopefully Get Married

Have a Family

See? Not that hard right?

and when I was in High School everything was pretty much the same for 4 years.

Now Everything is weird.

I have a job, but I need another one.

I need to find somewhere to live this summer that won't break my bank account.

I don't know what I'm minoring in.

I don't know what classes I'm going to take in the fall.

I can't predict what the next 6 months are going to look like and it scares me to death!!!!!

Now, don't get me wrong, I've always been a fairly spontaneous person. But thats just cause I don't mind changing plans when something cooler comes along.

But if I don't have a plan, how can I change the plan???

UGH.

Basically, I'm stressed.

I want to go home,

but there are too many things, too many important people in Cedar.

I want to have someone to take care of me when I'm stressed like this,

but I don't want to be babied.

I want to have time to think,

but I like being busy so that I don't have to.

My life is a walking contradiction.

I'm not sure I'm ok with that.

Lets be honest...

Here it is, short and sweet, my thoughts for the day.

Its kinda self justifying so if you're not in the mood to hear me talk about myself, stop reading. Now.

So, I was reading my sister's blog, and that led me to another blog, and both of them were talking about how they were constantly comparing themselves to everyone around them.

I can totally relate, no shocker there. I think everyone probably can.

So then I started thinking about how much I really do compare myself to other people, and, yup, you guessed it, it happens WAY TOO MUCH.

If someone asked me if I was confident in my self image I would say yes without skipping a beat.

But, when I think about it, I'm really not quite as sure as I sound.

I spend a lot of time comparing myself to the people around me.

Problem number one: I'm not them.

Problem number two: No one expects me to be someone else.

Problem number three: I judge myself for things I would never judge other people for.

Problem number four: I WAY stress over things like this and NEVER let them out cause I'm scared of what other people will think and am not very comfortable letting people know that I'm not as confidant as I try to seem.

Basically, I recognize the fact that I am not perfect, and I think that recognizing that and being conscious of it will help me to not judge myself too hard.

Yes, I am insecure.

Yes, I get a little jealous sometimes.

Yes, I judge myself harder than others judge me.

Yes, I have things I could be better at,

BUT I'm ok with not being perfect.

I'll settle for just being good at being me.